Close your eyes and imagine sunshine glistening over a vibrant field of flowers. Wind is gently blowing, causing the plants to sway back and forth. The warmth of the sun reclaims its presence when the wind fades and the piercing heat strikes you at an instant. Though it it strong in sensation, it is soothing. You welcome it. You glance to your side and notice a butterfly fluttering aimlessly around a cluster of brightly colored flowers. It seems to feel indecisive as it never remains still on a flower for longer than a mere second or two. You halt in your tracks to observe and admire this beautiful insect. In fact, you're a collector of different species and you've chanced upon one that is rare, beautiful, and elusive. You have no intention of catching the butterfly, but you soak up each second as it grows bored with the scenery and flutters away to its next adventure.

This vision sounds lovely doesn't it? A relaxing summer day perhaps.

Unfortunately, this isn't the type of butterfly chaser I'm referring to.

What is a butterfly chaser then? I'm sure this term exists in multiple forms but this is a term I've coined for myself through my experiences and my observations towards other people.

Remember a time where you met someone in your life and you had butterflies for them?
That fluttering sensation in your abdomen that triggers a tingling sensation, an elevated heart rate, sometimes broken thoughts and stuttering, all because your sexual attraction kicks in.

We're all aware that they aren't actual butterflies and they certainly aren't in your stomach. If they are, I strongly suggest you get that checked out by a doctor and perhaps seek out some counseling. Unless of course, you're trying to beat some really obscure Guinness World Record and/or you have a medical condition or religious belief that requires you to consume butterflies.

Chasing is the act of seeking out something or someone with the expectation of catching them or acquiring them in your physical grasp. Now let's apply the butterflies to the chaser.

Butterfly Chaser - An individual who seeks out the sensation, gratification, or result of having the butterflies.

That is my personal definition of a butterfly chaser in its most basic form.

Too often I will see people enter relationships and end them just as quickly to open up another. Now, there's nothing wrong with getting into another relationship immediately after ending one, but I want to narrow in on the reasoning for jumping into the next one.

Every interaction we have with people has an impact on who we are, what we want, what we need, what we didn't even know we needed. You will always meet people that intrigue you and ignite something within you that other people you know don't provide. I think something that is hard for people in relationships to cope with and accept is the concept that you cannot provide someone EVERYTHING in the world. You can most certainly try your best and provide a lot that will keep you and your partner satisfied and content - but there will always be something out there, that you'll want that you can't have. It sucks, right?

Not to mention, as we grow and experience things, we are always exploring and trying new things. With that, comes meeting new people and shifting our attractions and interests. Perhaps you are content with your lover but you met someone new at an event and your thoughts circle around that person no matter what you do and next thing you know - you're having the sit down talk with your lover and calling it off to go pursue this new person.

But what happens when you jump off the first boat to get on a ship and a sequence of time passes and then a cruise ship passes by your ship and now you jump onto that one? You were perfectly content, in fact very happy, with your ship, but that cruise ship has new features and it's going another direction and you had no problem jumping ship before, so it's even easier to do it again!  Then some time passes and another cruise ship swings by but it has lights and so you pack your things and head onto that one and eventually you realize you've been switching boats so many times that you never even got to where you wanted to go or maybe you don't even remember.

Butterfly chasers are people who get consumed by infatuation, "the butterflies," the temptation of the feeling of a new relationship during that puppy love phase. That portion of time where everything is new and exciting and nothing is wrong. But as soon as the relationship begins to feel routine, comfortable, and somewhat settled down and into place, that is what triggers this illusion that the relationship is now boring and dead and that person  has to move on to get their next hit of butterflies.

It's a mental addiction in a way. Instead of building a meaningful relationship with a person where you can communicate effectively to better your lives together and individually, with a foundation built on support, trust, and love, you have this empty foundation that is being built up by the other person while you are just counting down the days til it's time to hitch a new ride.

I think people with that kind of life style are more suited for friends with benefits or very casual dating and not something committed and long term. It just sets up the other party for massive heart break. Maybe you have the intention of making something long lasting but out of habit you get cold feet because it's easier to embrace a new relationship versus strengthening up a current one.

I think people assume that getting into an argument in a relationship is the sign that the relationship is nearing its end and that things aren't going to work out when really, an argument is healthy (in a certain context) and allows you to really step back and assess who you are and what you believe/feel and what they feel so that you can meet in the middle and build up together and engage in an even better intimacy and understanding of that person.

A committed and long term relationship  allows you to really understand a person, their motives, their strengths & weaknesses, what makes them vulnerable. It really helps you figure out if that person is suitable for settling down in a final form. Eventually we are going to get old, slow,  and unattractive. The goal is to find someone you can enjoy being around or at least tolerate for the rest of your life.

But if a butterfly chaser never reaches that point, when they reach an age or physical condition where they cannot pursue that lifestyle anymore, depression or extreme loneliness may settle in and that person is going to wish they had found at least one person that they could confide in and have for a full-time companion. I'm not saying all people are like this but I think that it's a high possibility.

So in the same idea that an alcoholic seeks out their next bottle of liquor or swig of beer. A drug addict in search for their next high, or a sex addict struggling to maintain themselves in public places, a butterfly chaser is a person who is in search for the temporary spark of excitement and perceives a successful relationship with that feeling and never gives life the chance to let it fall in love, real love.

I think when you're young or inexperienced and you're learning about yourself and the world you live in and what you want out of life, chasing butterflies is totally acceptable and welcomed in fact. But at some point in life, just like "becoming an adult" is something we all settle into somehow (even though we tell ourselves we're never gonna grow up!) Eventually, that cycle of catching the feelings  and flicking them off like a flea will get old and tiresome. If that is something you personally struggle with, then maybe this is the year you can work on that.

I suggest that if you find someone who is more than just a sexual attraction. This person has a soul-deep connection with you immediately and you become extremely close, then I suggest you pick that kind of person. Let them know about your past history of relationships and also explain to them that you want to build something long lasting and fulfilling and you're telling them this so that they can understand and support you and help you through it. If they have the capacity to love you and be patient with you and they see that you have the desire to better yourself, then they will take that chance. You might fight and you might get to the point where you think "we're breaking up" but if you clear your mind and come back to the conversation with a collected and rational mindset, you and your partner will be able to find a solution and continue on your relationship.

In two weeks my bf and I are celebrating our 8 year anniversary of dating and we have both had our fair share of meeting people who we were strongly attracted to but came to the realization and awareness that those feelings were strictly temporary and sexual and through time they passed away. We are thankful that we did not pursue those outlets because we probably wouldn't be as happy as we are today and I think this goes back to the phrase "the grass is always greener on the other side." But honestly, the grass is green on  the side you're on, you just need to look at it and maybe mow it and clean it up.

So to my friends who are in new relationships every month and constantly complain about how they can't seem to find a good relationship, it's probably because you're leaving the relationship before it even has a chance to become one.  Relationships are not instant. Attraction is. Shift your perspective and become more aware of what you are feeling and experiencing versus what you are looking for and work towards that. The best relationships are never perfect. They are built on a lot of time, a lot of fighting, a lot of mistakes and apologies and love is something that grows and gets stronger.

Plant your seed and water it every day. Look at it and appreciate it regardless of its size and nature. But please give it time to grow and please take care of it and it will be beautiful.

Don't be a butterfly chaser... or at least not forever!