"Everybody Is A Winner" Is Harmful

5:20 PM

During my school years growing up, I can recall many instances of simple competitions in class, different contests, as well as major sporting events, and public school events that all had a competitive edge or prizing system. In class it could be as simple as the class being divided by left side vs right side and we would debate a subject and try and convince the teacher why we came to our conclusions. The winning team didn't have homework that night or maybe they were given the option to choose a piece of candy or something of value. Our school would have an annual field day where everyone participated in very generic races, relays, competitions all centered around things that generally anyone could do with or without practice or previous experience. At the end of an event such as this, ribbons would be awarded to those who placed best in each category and their parents could cheer them on. It was a celebration of the beautiful weather, the community among the student body and teachers, and a light and fun competition against each other.

Of course you also had official competitions performed by the sponsored sports teams and extra curricular clubs and teams for various things that the school funded. There would even be competitions held between each individual grade level to raise money for various foundations, sports teams, school events, charities, etc... all the way up to the amazing "own a senior" day where the person who donated the most money could own a senior for that day. They could have the senior hold their books, help them study, take notes for them, etc... for the entire day. 

All of these things that the school invested in were all things that were vital to the school community, boosting morale, inspiring change and hard work, friendly competition, determination and success, etc...

A contest or competition means people compete against each other to win.
By default this means that the non-winners must lose and thus be losers.
Most people have the capacity to understand that while losing a contest sucks, it's not the end all be all and they can move on with their day and forget about the loss shortly.
Of course there are sensitive people who hold onto things for a long period of time and take things to heart and have a very difficult time accepting failure etc...

If you were born in the late 80's to early 90's your parents grew up in an age where they didn't have the same opportunities as us. Certain things weren't as accepted or open for discussion or expression. Bullying for us was hard enough as it is, now imagine the territory 15 - 20 years ago... Being the last kid to get picked during gym team exercises was probably one of the worst feelings as far as public humiliation goes. I imagine back then you could add getting hit with the balls on purpose or having food thrown at you or even physical bullying and harassment following after. Growing up, I was once the last to be picked. I think the only reason why I was picked last was because I made it obvious that I had no interest in playing the game and obviously you don't want someone on your team if they don't care because it's just going to lower your success chances. Whichever team I would be placed on, I would give it my all. When it comes to sports, although I'm not spectacular at them, I am very competitive and I will put my all into it. I was no stranger to scuffing up my gym clothes or getting injured for the sake of performing better in a game. I wasn't one of those girls that scoffed at getting dirty... I live for it.

Parents want the best for their children and so it is natural that everything bad they experienced that haunted them form childhood through adulthood, they would want to do anything possible to prevent their children from having to go through the same thing. To avoid being bullied parents might spend extra money on the trending clothing and put them into sports programs to keep their kids in the social spotlight to be remembered and to feel included and purposeful. Or maybe they might condition their kids to follow a somewhat normal mold of accepted behavior and style but also keeping things open to letting their child explore things freely so that they don't seem like an uptight or controlling parent.

Parents who personally struggled with bullying, losing, harassment, humiliation, to things like not accepting loss, failure, 2nd best, etc... are most likely the people who are partially responsible for the issues we have today in a school society environment.

Obviously some kids are naturally just ultra sensitive as mentioned earlier. Some may have social or psychological disorders and "losing" or "not getting their way" is a trigger that sets them off. So this is where the "everybody wins" mentality creeps in. Because if Johnny won a lollipop and Beth starts crying uncontrollably because she didn't get one then the teacher gives her one to shut her up but then the other students start whining because they want one and it's not fair that she gets one just because she's acting like a baby. So then the teacher has to give everyone a lollipop which ruins Johnny's moment of glory because had he known that everyone was going to get a lollipop he wouldn't have put in as much effort.

I think that kids with disorders and special attention needs will always be given this treatment of everyone is a winner simply because it is easier to keep the day moving along vs causing an unnecessary situation. But getting rid of competition completely is detrimental to society just as much as "everyone is a winner" is.

If a baseball team is playing against their local rival and the coach gets them all together before the game and says okay guys, if you win the game I'll buy you all pizza but if you lose you get nothing, they know what they are striving for. The reward for success can be granted by winning the game, which means putting forth their absolute best performance to defeat the other team. If the coach says they will get pizza whether they win or lose, then it shows the kids that they have no reason to play harder to win against the other team if they are going to reap the reward at the end anyways. This is a common sense thing that event rats understand. If a rat has a choice to eat the cheese at the end of their cage VS the cheese at the end of a maze, they'd obviously go for the cheese at the end of the cage.

But at some point when a baseball team would play and the team would lose and they didn't get their little trophies or the pizza, most players were bummed out and they'd go home and sulk around the house but they were fine. The next day they woke up, went to school, went to practice, and started the grind all over. But the parents have this fixation on vicariously living through their children and they take their expectations and support to an unhealthy extreme to the point where they criticize every little thing as if it is the schools fault, the coaches fault, the other teams fault, etc... there's NO possible way that maybe their kid just isn't skilled enough, didn't perform well enough, or the team collectively fell short. They cannot accept failure, losing, or being anything less than 1st place. And because of people like that now when it comes to sports, field days, etc... schools have either eliminated it completely or make everyone a winner it seems. I'm not saying all schools are like this because I'm sure not everyone is uptight or sensitive but there are plenty of places that had to adopt this baby everybody mentality.

So how does a simple competition have a negative effect on society?

Competition and wanting to be the best and doing whatever you can to be better is what allows the human race to advance forward. It is required so that we can constantly improve ourselves, our ways of life, and the quality of the conditions around us. If everyone in the world had a sub-par education and a skill level the equivalent of a fast food joint then we would probably not having long life spans, excellent doctors and scientists, clever lawyers that can successfully get a lady millions of dollars because she burnt herself on a hot cup of coffee because it didn't say hot on it. If people are raised to believe that everything will be given to them on a golden saucer whether they step forward or stand still, who is dumb enough to waste extra energy for no reason if the reward will be granted anyways.

It is vital that people try and surpass each other because if we don't sports and job competition will become boring. Olympians are at that level for a reason. They execute the maximum skill potential and a lifetime of training and experience. Doctors and lawyers go to school for an agonizingly long time to absorb as much knowledge as possible so that they can administer what they've learned as best as they can to provide you excellent medical care or excellent results for legal matters. There is a reason why people are praised and paid for what they do based on the job availability, the skill level required, the stress and perfection required etc... if we allowed non-qualified people to run extremely important areas of society, the world would fall apart. There is a natural order that we have to follow to some extent. 

I think it's important to dream and be who you want to be but there is a point where you spiritually and physically hit a limit and it is up to you how far you push yourself to reach that limit. But if you are born into a society where you are not taught or encouraged to work towards your maximum imagine settling for less. 

Real world society does not uphold the everybody wins mentality. And if kids leave school with a false expectation that they will be treated equally and that they along with everyone around them will win, they will be shot down and disappointed very quickly. I'm not saying schools should throw them to the wolves in a real world boot camp showdown but I think competition, striving for excellence, passion, determination, social skills, disappointment, failure, etc... are essential to preparing a teenager for adulthood as well as entering the workforce. Being an adult can be overwhelming if not in a smooth sailing ride. There are many struggles that come with adulthood that one can prepare for and then there are some that one cannot prepare for. But I will say that if the individual is conditioned to believe that they are a special little snowflake that can do no wrong and that they're just amazing at everything because they always win even if they didn't actually win etc... the real world is going to kick them in the ass real hard. They will get a job and when a boss tells them they need to do something or perform better, they are going to take it to personal offense and quit because they feel like they are being underappreciated or mistreated. And they'll get another job and the same thing will happen until they realize that they aren't perfect.

The boss is instructing them to do something because they have potential to do better and if they would just listen and try and practice then they can improve efficiency in their work and potentially unlock new and better opportunities via pay raise, benefits, promotions etc... but if they cannot get over their little immature ego hump they will be in this constant cycle of wanting an income but getting irritated with management or co-workers.

Where I currently work, we have a decent turn around because students work during high school, summer breaks, or when they have time off from college or they're young adults or adults like myself who are just looking for a steady income and experience to build off from. I cannot tell you how many times people want more money but they aren't willing to put in the work to get that money. Other times they will be told how to do something properly or better and instead of listening they cop an attitude and become disrespectful, hostile, or they leave their job inappropriately and ruin their chances for a good reference or rehire.

I don't expect a teenager to uphold their job as high as I do but teenagers do need to realize that this is their life now. Working and/or going to school while working. And that vicious cycle of working at every local employer is going to continue until they learn to mature and value their time and experience.

If you are a parent of a child and they participate in sports, clubs, competitions, etc... I think it's important for you to support them, encourage them, and cheer them on but to be their rock and comfort when they lose or fail to meet their expectations. Please do not create complications for the school, other parents, etc... please accept that your child may not be best suited for that activity. And that's OK! We are all good at SOMETHING and tons of people devote themselves to doing something they aren't good at for years until they finally say hey this isn't for me or THIS sounds better. So if your kids is participating in something and they just can't make the cut, see if there is something else they'd like to try out that they might be excellent at. Teach your kids the value of hard work and success and remember that your kids are going to be the main structure of society when we are old and dying. If you think people are assholes now, please be responsible and teach your child to become someone that society can tolerate and enjoy.  

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