Hello internet!
I have one hell of a story to tell you that happened in my life yesterday.

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sexual content and profanity. If you are easily offended or if you can't handle sex conversation then click away now before you burn your eyes out.

So now that I got that out of the way, let's get on with the story shall we?
You might want to grab a snack and a drink to enhance the journey I'm going to take you on.

Before I can get into the story let me give you a bit of prefix to things.

My boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 years and my sex drive is much lower than his. I'm the type of person who could go the rest of my life never having sex and I wouldn't even bat an eyelash. Masturbation has been a casual activity for me since I was a teenager. I don't do it frequently but I still do it once in a while when I feel like it. To me, masturbation is a healthy activity that you can do by yourself or with your partner. It's a great way to relieve sexual frustration, stress, boredom, or to even amp you up for sexual activity later that evening etc...

I'm tired all the time and we often participate in our sexual activities before we go to bed. We go to bed pretty late most nights so when it's time for us to get into the motion of what we feel like doing, I'm usually too tired to let him give me oral. I will take care of him no problem but my situation is so taxing to me. Basically, me trying to get off not using a vibrator on my clit takes ages. If I use a toy I can get off in a few minutes or less. If it's another method, it skyrockets to 30 - 50 minutes. The time varies based on how tired I am, how long it's been since I've had an orgasm, how stressed I am, how I'm feeling, etc... foreplay and sweet talk doesn't spice things up for me. There's no way for me to warm up. I'd like to believe that my vagina is a rubix cube and a lot of the pleasure acquired from oral is a heavy combination of what my boyfriend is doing physically as well as a large portion of mental focus. I have to do a lot of work emotionally/mentally to be able to enjoy the physical sensation of what he's doing and once I get into that vibe I have to work very hard to maintain it so that I can climax etc... Because it takes so long for me to orgasm, my orgasms are usually pretty strong. They're so strong that immediately after the orgasm I am suffering from extreme ovary pain for 5 - 15 minutes. The pain heavily outweighs the pleasure of the orgasm. Due to this, I am always hesitant of oral because I don't want to have to spend 40 minutes thinking about how much pain I'm going to be in. To me it's not worth it. However, my bf loves taking care of business for me, so I let him do it for his sake of enjoying the activity rather than my self pleasure if  that makes sense. My bf doesn't go down on me too often because he knows how I am but I try to let him do it at least a couple times a month so he doesn't get too thirsty ya know? But I'd rather just take care of him and sleep versus taking care of me.

When I orgasm with a toy, the time is significantly decreased and there's no pain but the orgasm is much weaker. So I greatly prefer a quick clitoral orgasm with a toy over oral but the oral orgasm is much more satisfying before the pain hits.

Since I'm usually too tired to do the whole oral business, I go to sleep horny and push the feelings to the back of my priorities. I'm so busy with work stress and my hobbies and desires that sex is the last thing on my mind whereas for my bf it seems like the first thing on his. On my day off from work I wake up feeling refreshed and I think about any lingering sexual frustration or stress that I was having and sometimes I'll whip out the ol' vibrator and just get off quick so I can move on with my day and continue living with sex out of my horizons. When I was a teenager, single or in a relationship, there was never any moment of guilt of masturbation. I think my only fear was having my mom find my toys which eventually did happen and she was ok with them. I guess she'd rather have me play with plastic than get pregnant right? As long as I kept them out of view she was cool with it. My bf is also cool with toys. He and I have a small collection of things but we almost never use them.

Because I don't let him eat me out that much, I feel guilty for masturbation. Especially because I never hear him talk about if/when he masturbates and I don't think it should matter if he does or not but he's always asking me if I did. So I'm always in this state of mind where I feel like I shouldn't masturbate and I don't want him to think that I don't want him and I only want toys. It's just more convenient for me to have some alone time privacy. When he asks me if I opened the drawer and "did anything" that's him asking me if I diddled my fiddle and that's an easy "yes or no" question right? Well because of this uncomfortable "guilty pleasure" sort of feeling building up in me, I don't like admitting that I masturbated or not.

This week I woke up and wanted to have a little quickie. I noticed a condom in our toy drawer. We don't use condoms on a regular basis but I have a dildo that I never use. I never use it because there's dust and cat hair on it and I don't want to spread germs or bacteria/dirt and get it inside of me. I bought a toy cleaner and it didn't do shit. So I just never use the dildo. Plus dildos don't even feel good inside of me. Dicks don't even feel good in me. Sex just doesn't feel good period. When people tell me sex is amazing...I just don't understand what they're talking about. The only thing that feels good when it comes to sex is a clitoral orgasm and that's it. Everything else is either nothing or pain.

I get this brilliant idea to use the dildo for the first time in over 2 years but it's dirty as hell. So I take the condom and I put it on the dildo so that I can use the dildo without getting any of the nasty on me. So in my time of being sexual I have never personally put a condom on anyone. The guy always did it or didn't use one etc... So I'm trying to put the condom on right and I have it backwards. So I had to flip it. So I'm sitting here in my bedroom embarrassed because I'm a fucking 26 year old idiot who has no idea how to use a condom even though I've been sexually active since I was 16. What gives.

Another thought hits me.... we don't use condoms. What am I going to do with the condom when I'm done? I can't just leave it there or put it in the trash because my boyfriend is going to see it and then he's going to think I brought a guy into the house and cheated on him. So I panic a bit about this and then I decided to put the condom between some paper plates that I was throwing away. Conveniently enough, the kitchen trash was full. So I bagged up the trash and took it outside. That way, nobody would come across the condom by chance. I would have thrown it in the bathroom trash but I didn't want my boyfriend's mom to think his younger brother was having sex in the house and I don't think she wants to see our sex materials either so it was just the best solution in my mind. So in my head the condom is my little secret. Nobody will ever know about it and all is good.

Well my boyfriend comes home from work and we're talking and I face the dreaded question "did you open the drawer/do anything special today?" And my first reaction was to say "yes I did" but I lied and said "No I didn't do anything today." I was so worked up over the condom secret that in my head I thought lying about masturbating was a good idea.

Let me point out that I am bad at lying and I could never be a successful criminal. My boyfriend and I have been together so long that we can sense when something is wrong or shady. He takes me to work and it's midnight. I get a text message say "we need to talk."

I didn't have to spend any time debating what he meant. I knew that he knew that I lied about something. So I spill the beans and tell him that I lied, I did masturbate and he goes "are you sure you were masturbating or were you doing something else with someone?" And I froze in my spot. How the hell did he find out about the condom and everything I did to prevent this very situation from happening WAS HAPPENING ANYWAYS.

So I'm standing there thinking about how he could have found the condom. Then it dawned on me... I threw the condom away but I don't remember throwing the wrapper away. The wrapper was on the mattress under the blanket and he found it as he was climbing into bed. THE FUCKING WRAPPER. I can't commit a crime because I'm the stupid criminal who leaves the damn evidence right there in the open. Shit I might as well sign my name with a little note that says "I'm guilty, I'll meet you at the prison cell asap."

So I brace myself for this long ass explanation that I'm going to have to tell my boyfriend. Because right now he's probably fuming thinking I fucked another guy in our bed. Back in the past we had a small time window where we had an open relationship and one of our rules was that if we had a side partner we were NOT allowed to invite them in the house at all. So I would never EVER break that rule. Plus as you know, I'm really lazy when it comes to sex. I barely put out myself for my boyfriend, I spend all of my effort taking care of him...why the fuck would I have the stamina to offer myself to someone else? I don't have the time or the fucks to give about other people.

So I'm typing text messages so fast that I have several typos but I don't give a damn because I just need to fess up the full truth of what happened and pray to god that my boyfriend believes me. He's really suspicious at this point and so I go on to tell him about everything I mentioned above. He still seemed pretty irritated. He was not irritated that I masturbated or used the condom on a dildo, he was irritated because I lied about masturbating. He told me if I would have just been up front with him about masturbating then he would have been able to justify the condom portion much easier.

So he goes to bed and I'm at work for 12 hours. In these 12 hours, all that replays in my head is a tired boyfriend getting ready for bed only to pull over the covers to find a FUCKING OPEN CONDOM WRAPPER in the bed. If that happened to me, I think my heart would sink to my knees. It would probably feel like a bomb dropped in your throat and slowly slid down before exploding in your stomach. The entire time all I could do was empathize with him and understand his confusion, shock, anger, etc...

Now, it's something I can laugh about because he understands what happened and the lesson to learn here is to tell the truth. Being honest and telling the truth is the best policy even if what you say is embarrassing or humiliating. I can tell you first hand that any embarrassment or humiliation/conflict that stems from  you telling the truth is not nearly as bad as anything that would give birth from a lie.

It is easier to lose trust than to win it back.

So yeah... this was a story about how I masturbated and made a suspicious scene to make it look like I was cheating on my boyfriend when I wasn't and ugh... I hate myself for lying about something so dumb. But do you understand why I would lie? It's such a bizarre thing to explain.

Fortunately my boyfriend is okay but I was willing to dig the condom out of the trash to show him that there was no semen or anything in it. Just dildo germs lol.