I want to start off this blog by saying that I am on the fence about a lot of things in life because I'm partially really indecisive and I try to understand the perspectives of each side and therefore I'm left conflicted not feeling swayed by one side or the other, just stuck in a limbo in the middle, biting my fingers, trying to figure out who is right and which path I should take. This blog is me simply swimming in my thoughts. The things I am going to say may be cruel, selfish, ignorant, stupid, biased, etc... so feel free to comment and criticize and discuss your opinions in the comments below. If you can enlighten me from my ignorance then that allows me to grow as a person.

We all know that drug addicts exist out there. We might know them personally or publicly or you might even be one now or a recovering addict. Some people go their entire lives not touching drugs. Some people tap into it and dabble in them here and there but can walk away from it as if it never happened. Other people however, aren't as... well... to be honest, the first word that popped into my head was "strong" but that's not the word I want to use because I know plenty of drug users who are strong but the fumble and fall back into their ways... does that make them weak? I guess a better term would be maybe that they lack determination and self discipline.

Moving onward, we can all say that we know someone out there who has done drugs or has been affected by drugs either being the victim of using or being the person with a broken heart of someone who has passed away from drug abuse. Drugs are everywhere legally and illegally. I personally do not partake in drugs. I am absolutely terrified of drugs and I don't tap into them. I have never smoked a cigarette but I will admit that I have tried synthetic marijuana and real marijuana and I've hated both so you don't have to worry about me getting into that nasty stuff. I generally follow the motto of "don't knock it til you try it" because it's unfair to hate something that you have know knowledge of other than outside opinion and observation. It's always better to have first hand experience about a subject rather than just going off of what someone says or what you read. Drugs however aren't something I ever want to meddle with. So with that being said, I can't preach the words "drugs are bad mmkay!" Because I know a lot of people who have done drugs or actively do drugs now and are completely successful and functional individuals who have their shit together better than I do. On the other hand, I know people who have crashed and burned themselves into losers and so I am put on the neutral ground here. Drugs serve different purposes and I think all drugs have their pros and cons. I will say that a lot of drugs cons seem to outweigh any of the pros therefore I have no interest or intentions of ever trying them but I can't deem them to be completely worthless or evil. I've seen them break apart families and relationships so I will say that drugs in a way are BAD and bad for you health but there's also a lot of really awesome things about drugs. Some drugs can provide medical effects. Some can induce creativity. All of the music you and your parents grew up to were the results of drug and alcohol abuse. Everyone wonders why music is "shit" now...it's because people stopped doing drugs 24/7 haha. I'm sure plenty of musicians still do drugs, but with the increase of health crazes and being clean (which I'm completely satisfied with) it's going to change how art, entertainment, music, etc... is going to be expressed. I'm just saying, that the reason why this and that sounded a certain way was because of the influences at the time. As technology, society, and creativity develops and advances...the results of creations will also evolve.

So the moral of this portion is that drugs are bad for you but drags can have positive OR negative effects on your body and your creativity. I think experimenting to discover deeper parts of how you perceive the world can be enriching and positive. But once again, I don't care enough to mess with it.
I'll stick to alcohol and music my friends!

But say you're in a situation where you know someone who messes around with drugs and maybe they talk about it openly and do you just sit there and accept the fact that they're doing drugs and they admit to doing drugs and they're content with doing drugs? Maybe right now they still seem like that same smiling friend you have but what if a few months go down the road and they lose their job and their lover and now they start stealing from you so that they can get their next fix? What if the hobby/habit turns into a life-altering addiction to the point where getting a high for a few hours is more valuable to them than eating dinner? What if you have a friend who does drugs and they try everything to hide it from you but you can tell something is off and you know that they're messing with something. Do you confront them about it? Do you wait until they talk about it? Do you love them unconditionally even if deep inside you're infuriated and mentally smashing them against the wall because of how fucking stupid they are? Do you persuade them to get help out of fear of losing them to an overdose or do you avoid the conversation out of fear that they'll get into a mental violent rage and hurt you? What do you do? What can you do? What should you do?

What about those people who finally come to terms with their addiction and they go to rehab. For whatever reason they decide that rehab is the next step to improving their lives. Maybe someone promises them something or maybe they find out they're a parent or maybe they see someone successful in life and in order for them to follow in those footsteps they need to get clean and start over from the beginning. But next thing you know, they get out of rehab and what's that? They're clean for a week before falling back into it. Why do they fall back into it? Maybe they understand that they have freedom again or maybe they accidentally discovered a stash they had lying around that thought "oh I'll just do it once, throw the rest away and start my new life" and wham bam they're slammed again. Maybe their circle of friends/family are all users and when they hang out they get tempted and/or peer-pressured into joining the activities to follow. Whatever the case is...you see tons of people go in for rehab and screw it up. Many people go to rehab multiple times until they either quit for real or die trying.

There's a dark middle ground that I sit in. Part of me believes to never give up hope on a drug addict because your unconditional love and support may be a motivational factor in their success of being 100% clean and living a better life. But at the same time, knowing that the choice of being clean and enduring the withdrawal process/temptation etc... is completely their decision, the other part of me thinks that if someone can't kick their habit, then let them go and let the habit be the destroyer. If  a drug addict isn't willing to change, then they're not going to. It doesn't matter how much you love them or how much you try to work with them and their addiction... for as long as they exist and their addiction exists, they will always stay on that path and NOTHING will make them budge off that path unless THEY make it happen.

And it's not easy. It's going to be a living hell and tenfold I'm sure. It's probably going to feel worse than death between all of the side effects and psychological warfare and physical cravings etc... but everyone I know who has successfully recovered from drug abuse and now lives a clean and wholesome life is very happy and successful life and they're so glad that they stopped living how they used to and never want to go down that path again and they encourage people to avoid that path as well. But some people just fall down the hole so hard and they never get back up. Some never try and some fail trying.

And I'm sorry but like...if I knew someone who was THAT addicted to something, I don't think I have the patience to stick with them 100%. Like if you do drugs and I know you're doing drugs, I'm cutting you out of my life. You don't exist to me anymore. Because I don't want to be responsible for any havoc you wreak onto my life. I don't want you having access to take things from me. Not just physical possessions but people and memories etc... if you truly want to quit doing drugs then you need to do what's necessary and get help and after you get help you need to be on your toes and analyze yourself and your surroundings and say no to your temptations. You need to find strength and willpower and something to distract you from the cravings. If you don't have that willpower and if you slip back into shit a week later... I'm done... like I'm not going to fuck around with people who want to waste their lives. You only live once and I know YOLO is an overplayed expression these days but of all the things you could possibly do in life whether you are rich or poor... drugs was the thing you chose to rule your life? I mean my life isn't some prize pony or anything but at least I can say the only chains I'm bound to are college debt and poor spending choices. Those are things I can easily adjust and fix over time that will go away as time goes on. But addictions are bad news bears.

When I see stories of people dying from overdose I feel bad because I know their families and friends are crying and hurting because they lost someone they love and they feel helpless. It's just like when someone commits suicide. You feel like maybe there was something you could have said or done to make them choose otherwise and the harsh reality is that only they can choose. You can certainly influence them or share your thoughts with them, but ultimately they make the choice/decision to do or not do what they do. But that deciding factor is strictly them. The same applies to people doing drugs etc... like you can love and support them as much as you want but it's not going to keep them from doing drugs and it sure as hell isn't going to stop them from overdosing. Even the smallest amount of drugs, smaller than a "dose" they would normally take, could still kill them if the person they bought it from messed with it and made it different.

I think the drug crisis is so strong because drugs are so readily available and the costs are cheap. At work we track certain products that get stolen or frequently purchased because they are used to make drugs and hell... people even come into our store to steal medicine and what not. I've even heard people doing drugs in the bathrooms in public places. It's disgusting. Of all places to do it...why do you have to do it somewhere public like that. Go home. Go to a forest. Go behind somewhere private...don't go to my job. Don't impose your shitty life choices on other people. That includes smokers, too. Like it doesn't bother me if  you want to inhale a cancer stick, but don't contaminate the air I'm breathing, forcing me to choke on your life choices. If I drink a beer, you don't get drunk. You don't get liver cancer if I drink a beer or soda next to you. But if you smoke a cigarette, and that smoke comes near me...I have NO choice but to inhale it or walk away and even if I walk away there's as chance the air will follow me and I'll still inhale it and smell it anyways.

I think if marijuana were legalized nationally on a federal level then I think a lot of the drug war bullshit would subside. They could tax it like cigarettes. They can set up an age regulation like other controlled substances such as cigarettes and alcohol. They can create ones for medical purposes and recreational. If it became legal, I'm not sure if I would take part in doing it. I personally hate smoking and vaping and all that stuff. I could go the rest of my life never doing it so I see no point in starting now. But if they had things like chocolate bars, candy, popcorn, etc... then I would consider it. I don't think it's that bad, I just don't like the idea of smoking something. But eating something seems like it would be okay. If it has all of these medical benefits and considering that it never killed anyone like alcohol/other drugs do then I think it's mostly harmless. I mean if I had to choose between cigarettes, pot, and other drugs and someone had a gun to my head and told me I had to pick between those options to live...I'd pick the pot every time. Cuz I hate cigarettes and I refuse to do drugs so pot seems like the only thing that would be reasonable  since it's non-addictive and the least harmful to your body.

Another thought swimming through my head.... and maybe I already said this, but like... when I see articles of people dying from overdoses I don't feel bad. I don't feel bad because they made that choice and they knew the path that it leads it and that the sad fate could happen to them. Clearly they valued taking the risk and feeling the high more than they valued their life and the people around them. So you know how I feel.... if you want to overdose on drugs, be my guest... one less waste of space taking up valuable resources and time that the universe can spend on someone more valuable.

I'm sure this post is extremely ignorant and inconsiderate but these are my honest thoughts unfiltered. I'm not here to be PC and happy sappy flowers. I'm here to be raw and real and this is just how I feel. Maybe in a decade I'll see things differently. But right now, in this chair, as I write... this is what my mind thinks.

I really hope that we can live in a society where doing recreational drugs can be considered just a fun activity like drinking alcohol and smoking cigarettes. I just hope that it can be done in a safe manner where it is controlled and treated like a disease and illness rather than a crime. I also hope people can just have the common sense to just avoid it. I can't claim to be a saint or anything because I drink alcohol and I LOVE alcohol. I can see why people could get addicted to it but I personally could never get addicted to it. But I could never do drugs. I'm way too terrified. These stories I see and things in movies terrify the hell out of me so I know 100% in every fiber of my body that I will never touch cocaine, or heroine, or meth,  etc.... helllllllll no. I mean I'm terrified to get pregnant or have kids. I'm terrified to drive. So my family never has to worry about me getting into some dark stuff. I'm a square ya'll. Alcohol is probabaly the only "bad" thing I take part in.

I mean if we want to be technical, I'm addicted to caffeine and sugar. I don't even want to know how much of those I consume on a daily basis compared to what the "average" amount is for a daily intake. I'm sure 1 energy drink puts you over your daily amount of sugar and definitely puts you in caffeine intoxication.

So I'm not sure how to end this blog. Let me know what you think. Do you understand where I'm coming from? Does this infuriate you? Does this make you see things differently? Good? Bad? Do you do drugs? If so why? How long? Do you want to quit? Have you gone to rehab?

I'm a curious doodle bug.